Saturday, July 6, 2013

Gossip - Paris style

I've got 2 juicy nuggets for you all....

I contemplated saving this first one for my book, but I'll give it to you guys since its completely ridiculous and an prime example of how single girls are cray cray.

1. I met my future husband tonight, except he obviously didn't realize that it was me.  I was at the Eiffel Tower to watch it sparkle at midnight (how romantic, right?) Well, not when you're alone its not.  And, hey people that make out in front of the Eiffel Tower, you're annoying, so stop.  Anyway, back to my story.  I was sitting on a concrete bench waiting for the tower to turn from illuminate to sparkly when he walked by wearing cobalt blue chicos and a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up - also alone - and carrying a bottle of wine.  He was clearly looking for someone (read: me)!

Beautiful with lights

With a little bit of razzle dazzle

Apparently, he didn't recognize me because I looked like a pile of shit.  Jeans (rolled into capris), sneakers, a Nike warm up jacket and my castro hat - what was I thinking?  He looked right at me and kept walking...whatever.  So I took of my hat, fluffed my hair and went in search for my bottle wielding boyfriend.  I found him, on the other side of the Palais de Challiet.  (I'm not a psycho, its only like 100 feet away.)  Anyway, I nearly bumped into him when he turned around quickly and I said "Excuse me, sorry" (oops, forgot to speak French).  He still didn't recognize me or acknowledge me for that matter, wtf?

So, I sat on a different ledge and waited for the sparkle when all of a sudden I heard a girl yell, "Joe".  Apparently, his name was Joe.  He met up with 3 girls. Dumb. I saw him trying to uncork the wine, unsuccessfully I might add.  He is soooo not my future husband if he can't even uncork wine.  Plus, he's with 3 girls, he's either gay or clueless that his love interest brought 2 buffers to her romantic Eiffel Tower rendezvous.  #fail, #itsover.

Gossip #2, while walking home from the sparkling Eiffel Tower, there was a late 20-something Asian boy creeping dangerously close in his approach.  It made me uncomfortable so I fell back near the national police and let him pass me.  Coincidentally, he went into my apartment building.  He waved at the security guy, as did I and walked toward the elevator.  I let him take the elevator and chose the next car (which smelled like someone shit their pants in).  As I was exiting the car, I saw him pass through the "locked door" (from yesterday) and as I passed through it, he was shuffling down my hallway....creepy.  There was an old man gimping behind him.  Weird, 2 neighbors in my hallway at once and I've literally  NEVER seen any other residents other than the security guards.  Asian boy was hurrying down the hallway and humming a little and Old Man Limpy was losing ground.  I had considered passing him, but then figured that I wasn't in a rush and I really didn't want him following me to my apartment. So I trailed uncomfortable close behind him.

Asian boy went into the apartment right after mine AND OLD MAN LIMPY FOLLOWED HIM IN THERE! Now, I know Old Man Limpy didn't come through the secured front door, because it was just me and Asian guy, which means that Asian guy let him in through the side locked door!  Their age gap was about 35 years and he was sneaking him in, so I am speculating that my next door neighbor is a male prostitute.  Now, I know I am jumping to conclusions, so I sat quietly in my room to listen for suspicious activity.  Then I decided I was being a creep and decided to leave and meet a friend for a drink. However, no one left the room between the time I got there and the time I left for the bar and as I was leaving, I heard someone showering.  If their apartment is as small as mine, there is zero privacy.

Now, keep in mind, this is all complete speculation, but it adds a little excitement to my otherwise Lady of Leisure ways.  Now I totally feel like a housewife drumming up drama to make my day feel more spectacular.

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